If someone steals a base during the World Series, Taco Bell is going to away a free taco to everyone in America. UPDATE: The base has been stolen! Taco Day is October 30th.
What’s the catch? Well, let’s take a look at the fine print.
HOW TO OBTAIN A FREE TACO: If an eligible base was stolen during the Games, Taco Bell will make an announcement through selected media channels, including a press release and its web site (www.tacobell.com), that eligible consumers can obtain their free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco on Tuesday, October 30, 2007 (if base is stolen in Games 1 or 2 on October 24 or October 25, 2007) OR November 6, 2007 (if base is stolen in Games 3-7, October 27, 28, 29, 31, November 1, 2007) (”Redemption Date”) only.
All right, so you need to show up for your taco on a specified date. Fair enough.
To obtain the Free Taco, consumers must visit any participating Taco Bell® restaurant in one of the fifty (50) the United States or District of Columbia between 2:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. (local time) on the Redemption Date only and request a Free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco. Free Taco’s will not be offered on any other date or time, regardless of circumstance. Limit one (1) Free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco per person.
Okay, we’re down to a three-hour taco window. It’s a bit inconvenient, but they can’t have the freeloaders from swelling their lunch and dinner crowds, right?
On a side note, I’m digging the capitalization of Free Taco.
Participating Taco Bell restaurant manager reserves the right to deny Free Taco to any person he/she reasonably believes has already received a Free Taco or has engaged in any other fraudulent activity.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. Did they just use “Free Taco” as an uncountable noun? Because that’s pretty awesome. “Hey, you spilled some Free Taco on your shirt.”
More importantly: The manager gets to decide if I’ve gotten a taco already? That’s bullshit. Is he going to call up the other branches? Look for taco stains on my fingers? Smell my breath?
All eligible consumers: Everyone in line at a participating Taco Bell restaurant before 5:00 p.m. local time will receive a Free Taco, even if it is provided after 5:00 p.m.
Well, that’s nice of them.
Free Taco offer is subject to store availability and Taco Bell reserves the right to substitute an item of equal or greater value if due to unavailability.
Fat chance. What, are they going to run out of beef and give you a plate of nachos instead?
All restaurant managers decisions are final regarding to Free Taco offer.
Not if I bitch and moan enough. My breath always smells like this, you insensitive bastards!
As a condition of the offer, consumers agree: (a) to release, and hold harmless Major League Baseball Properties, Inc., Major League Baseball Enterprises, Inc., MLB Advanced Media, L.P., [etc., etc.] from any and all claims, demands, losses, promises, causes of action, and liabilities, in this contest/promotion or any use/misuse of the prizes awarded hereunder including a Free Taco,
Aww. And I was going to misuse my Free Taco so hard.
(b) under no circumstances will entrant be permitted to obtain awards for, and participant hereby waives all rights to claim, punitive, incidental, consequential, or any other damages, other than for actual out-of-pocket expenses;
I’d love to know what legal situations they’re hoping to avoid with this crap. Maybe they should have offered soft tacos Soft Tacos to mitigate the choking hazard.
(c) all causes of action arising out of or connected with this Offer or any Free Taco or any advertising, marketing, promotion or publicity materials in connection therewith, shall be resolved individually, without resort to any form of class action; and
In other words, “You can’t bring a class action lawsuit against us because we said so.” Sounds like a software license agreement.
(d) any and all claims, judgments, and award shall be limited to actual out-of-pocket costs incurred, excluding attorneys’ fees and court costs.
Ah, yes; the out-of-pocket costs of a free taco. They’re clever, those Taco Bell guys.
By participating, consumers agree that all issues and questions concerning the construction, validity, interpretation and enforceability of these Official Rules, participant’s rights and obligations, or the rights and obligations of the Sponsor in connection with the Sweepstakes, shall be governed by, and construed in accordance with, the laws of State of California, without giving effect to any choice of law or conflict of law rules. By entering, entrants consent to the jurisdiction and venue of the federal, state and local courts for Irvine, California.
This, of course, is because California has the loosest free taco laws in the nation.
Jesus, that’s the most fine print I’ve ever read in my life. I think I need to take a nap.